I live in New York now! It is still a weird thing to say to myself or really believe! I lived here once before, 12 years ago. I remember the day I was moving away, I felt heavy with the decision. I remember, feel a bit like a failure as I looked up at the tall buildings that surround 59th Street at Columbus Circle. But as I looked at the skyline, I had a flash of insight, a voice so loud, telling me, “You will live here again.” And in that moment, the tears stopped and I realized, yes, I knew I would return to NYC when the time was right, when I was ready. I have thought a lot about that moment over the last 12 years, asking myself often, “Is it time to go back?” and for so long, the answer was, “No.” And then, over the last two years, I realized I had stopped even asking myself anymore.
There were a lot of things I needed to learn and experience over the last 12 years to prepare me to come back to New York City at this very time in my life. And there were a lot of things I got lazy about over the 12 years that really slowed down the process of me being able to move back here sooner. What is a dream you want with all your heart, but you have stopped asking yourself how to make it come true?
Once I started truly investing in my life and growth, I started realizing that what I was saying I wanted for my life and what I was actually accepting into my life were not in alignment whatsoever. I said for years that I wanted to be fit and healthy –and yet I would spend hours at my computer editing and working on projects while I ordered pizza (the only food that delivered in my town in Utah for years). I said I wanted a committed and intimate relationship — and yet I found myself always saying “yes” to dates or relationships with men who were casual (hot and smart too, so at least my standards were high there!) with commitment and really only wanted something easy and fun. I said I wanted a house in Salt Lake City and an apartment in New York City since 2012, and yet, I never really believed that I could have both. That having both would mean I was materialistic or weird or out of reach to my friends and family who could barely afford the one place that they had.
I said I wanted all these things, and then I continued to NOT move towards them. In what areas of your life are you doing that?